2006: THE YEAR OF THE APOLOGY

Back in 1995, Hugh Grant told Jay Leno how he had been advised to spin his encounter with a Sunset Boulevard prostitute. “People have given me tons of ideas on this one, from ‘I was under a lot of pressure, I was lonely, I fell down the stairs when I was a kid’ . . . but I think it would just be bollocks to say anything like that. You know in life what is a good thing and what is a bad thing. I did a bad thing and there you have it.”

Grant is a man who knows how to apologize. He didn’t blame his bad behavior on alcohol, or his childhood, or anything other than his own flawed character. He then continued his very successful movie career–practically without missing a beat–and all of us pretty much forgot about the Divine Brown incident.

Of course, Grant’s transgression was peanuts compared with what today’s celebrities are apologizing for. Today the publically penitent are owning up to racist and ant–Semitic remarks, sexually harassing teenage boys, and taking bribes in exchange for influence in Washington. In fact, there have been so many public mea culpas that 2006 has been dubbed “The Year of The Apology.”

But are these really apologies? After spewing racial epithets at some black patrons of a comedy club, Michael Richards made an extremely awkward appearance on David Letterman, in which he expressed remorse but also said “I’m not a racist–that’s what’s so insane about this.” Mel Gibson was even less contrite when he told Diane Sawyer that his anti–Semitic slurs were just the booze talking. Also using the alcohol–abuse excuse were former Reps. Bob Ney, who plead guilty to influence peddling, and Mark Foley, who was caught sending sexuality explicit messages to teenage Congressional pages.

Everybody deserves a second chance, and the real act of redemption occurs not when you make the apology, but in the years and decades after you release a statement to the press. So we will try to put aside our suspicions and allow this year’s transgressors to back up their apologies with actions.

One of the ways that niceness is misunderstood is that people think it’s superficial, lightweight – smiling for the camera, saying you’re sorry, papering over harsh words and deeds by telling Oprah that your parents didn’t understand you. But being a truly nice person takes courage and strength. You have to be able to tell the truth about your mistakes and about yourself–no matter how painful that might be. Obviously, this is very, very hard to do but it’s the only path to true redemption. Just ask Hugh Grant.